Sexual Relationships

Sexual Relationship Meaning

When a male penguin falls in love, it searches the beach to find the perfect pebble to present to the female it hopes to attract. It seems that choosing a partner is a natural part of life for animals as well as humans. But what does a sexual relationship entail? Why are we inclined towards forming a bond with someone we then consider our significant other?

While intimacy is commonly linked with sexual relationships, it can be of different kinds and manifest itself in relationships which have no sexual attraction, i.e., friends and family. We'll focus on intimate relationships with sexual attraction.

Sexual Selection Theory: Evolution

It might be an unconscious process, but you may find that you are choosing your partner based on whether or not they possess the characteristics that are beneficial to survival and aid reproductive success, all of which are passed on through genes.

The evolutionary explanation suggests that features that are attractive to the opposite sex are developed and passed on, so we will choose our partners accordingly.

We know that development takes place over time, so it is safe to say that the qualities we have today are not necessarily the qualities our ancestors had; they have been developed over the course of many years and have now adapted to be the ones most important to us.

In animals, it may manifest differently.

If there is such a great amount of vulnerability here, then how have peacocks survived for so many years? Through the theory of sexual selection.

Types of Sexual Relationships

While we broadly know what the sexual selection theory entails, there are two types we are mainly concerned with:

1. Intrasexual selection
2. Intersexual selection

Intrasexual Selection

Men and women are picky when it comes to selecting a mate. However, women are often pickier because of the time they have to invest in the process of reproduction. Due to the pickiness of the female, males are constantly competing to be chosen as the one who gets to mate with a certain female.

Often, the competition that takes place between males is done to show how physically strong they are, giving off the impression to the female that they will be taken care of, should anything happen. It's a form of security that most females wish to have. Thus, intrasexual selection often results in aggressive displays of behaviour.

Interestingly, Pollet and Nettle (2009) found a correlation between reported female orgasms in Chinese women and the characteristics of their partner's wealth levels.

• They collected data from 1534 women overall, using a survey and additional privacy measures to acquire their data.

They found that women reported more orgasms the higher their partner's wage was and suggested there was an evolved, adaptive function to the female orgasm. They suggested the most desirable mates, i.e., those who were the most financially secure, cause women to experience more orgasms.

Intersexual Selection

Intersexual selection has the female play a more active role in mate selection.

Intersexual selection is different to intrasexual selection because there is no sense of competition here. It is purely based on attraction to the characteristics of the individual.

Steps in a Relationship Sexually

There are numerous steps when it comes to choosing our partners, and many psychologists have developed theories to explain this. Let's briefly discuss some steps below.

Self-Disclosure

Self-disclosure states that we become attracted to partners by sharing personal information with them. This is especially the case if both parties share personal information equally.

Altman and Taylor (1973) developed the Social Penetration Theory, which states that there is a gradual sharing of information between partners over time, increasing in depth, creating the basis for a deep partnership.

Physical Attractiveness

According to Charles Darwin, attraction is a key part of sexual and romantic relationships. The theory of attraction is linked to the evolutionary theory. It suggests that features generally considered attractive, such as facial symmetry, fitness, etc., are often signs of fertility and health.

The Filter Theory

Kerckhoff and Davis (1962) suggested several factors or 'filters' people use when choosing a partner.

• The first filter included sociodemographic characteristics such as physical proximity, education, and class.

• A second filter, similarity of attitudes, suggests that people considered those who shared their core values more attractive.

• A third filter, complementarity, states that each partner should display characteristics or skills the other lacks or needs, complementing one another.

Intimate Relationship Example

Often, when you think of the word 'intimacy', you might relate it to sexual behaviour. However, that is not necessarily the case. A relationship can have varying levels of intimacy, and it is possible to have more of one and less of another; it doesn't make your relationship weaker or stronger than someone else's.

Let's discuss these by way of an example. But first, what really is intimacy?

Fig. 2 - Intimacy in relationships can develop in multiple ways.

Now, how can intimacy occur in a relationship?

• In an intimate relationship, physical touch is often an important aspect. Using cuddles, hugs, kisses and sexual intercourse all contribute towards physical intimacy.
• Another important aspect of an intimate relationship is sharing one's thoughts, feelings and emotions. When you tell someone your deepest secrets, fears and worries, and they accept and understand these, you are experiencing emotional intimacy.
• Sharing your beliefs and opinions is a form of intellectual intimacy and only strengthens your bond with each other.

There are various ways that different types of intimacy can be cultivated.