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If the former is true, you may have heard of the term LAT relationships. In sociology, a term you will run into when discussing families and households is partners 'living apart together' (LAT). What are the reasons for more and more people deciding to live in LAT relationships?
- We will discuss what LAT relationships are.
- Next, we will look at the four main reasons behind the growing number of LAT relationships.
- Lastly, we will look at how sociologists have tried to research what this new form of family means for society and for the individual.
Let's start!
Living apart together: meaning
What does it mean when someone is in a living apart together (LAT) relationship?
The phrase living apart together (LAT) refers to couples that are in a committed, intimate relationship with each other without cohabiting.
Some LAT relationships are long-distance, while others consist of individuals living in the same city but at separate addresses. The decisions behind entering a LAT relationship vary from person to person.
Fig. 1 - Couples in LAT relationships live under separate addresses, but not necessarily in different locations.
Living apart together benefits: main reasons for growth
What are the benefits of living apart together? Let us look at some factors that may explain the increase in LAT relationships.
Impact of changes in the labour market on LAT relationships
In the globalised labour market, people often change their location of work, which can mean they have to continue their relationships over long distances for a certain amount of time.
Women now have better career opportunities, which in turn enables them to enjoy more financial and social independence. Due to this, more women can and may choose to keep their own households separate from their partners. Feminists point out that having independent households eliminates conflict over the unequal division of household labour; an issue they have repeatedly been bringing attention to since the 1980s.
Changes in social attitudes towards diverse family forms
The nuclear family is no longer the only acceptable and respectable family form in the eyes of wider society. Diverse forms of relationships have been de-stigmatised and legitimised as intimate partnerships. LAT relationships are one of the many examples.
The impact of growing individualisation on LAT relationships
In postmodern times we have seen a rise in individualism, which means that people no longer feel the need to conform to societal norms. They happily enter relationship arrangements that are more suitable for them personally, even if this is not a 'traditional marriage'.
People might also choose to be living under separate addresses from their partners to have an individualised space, and to spend their spare time in a more personal manner.
Modern technology and LAT relationships
Technological advances have made it easier for partners to keep in touch and communicate even when apart. LAT relationships do not imply a lack of contact and intimacy. People can connect on the phone, through video, or through social media.
Fig. 2 - Modern technology has allowed LAT relationships to adapt to their situation.
Travelling is also much easier and cheaper than before, so LAT couples can commute easily between their separate locations.
LAT relationships in sociological research
In comparison to other social phenomenons, there is not much about LAT relationships in sociological research, as it is very difficult to find statistics on LAT relationships. Studies usually use the household as a unit of measurement, which of course does not apply for couples who live under separate addresses. The existing statistics are regarded as rather unreliable.
Are there disadvantages of living apart together?
LAT relationships started to interest sociologists in the 1970s. Researchers looked at ‘dual career couples’ and encountered the phenomenon of committed couples keeping up two separate households. Kirschner and Walum referred to them as ‘two location families’ in Alternative Lifestyles (1978).
Studies in the 1980s researched the advantages and disadvantages of LAT relationships. Gerstel and Gross (1984) found that the first cause of LAT relationships was the globalised economic and work system.
They concluded that commuting to work affects the traditional family form negatively. They viewed LAT relationships as a downgrade from the ‘perfect’ nuclear family style. With this, Gerstel and Gross went against the functionalist and Marxist argument that capitalism and the nuclear family suit each other perfectly well.
Studying modern LAT relationships
A new interest in LAT relationships appeared at the beginning of the 21st century, this time with a more open-minded approach towards diverse, non-traditional family forms.
One statistic from Gregory Guldner (2003) claims that 25 percent of unmarried Americans live in a long-distance relationship. While it gives an idea of the extent and growth of LAT relationships, by and large, it is not an accurate representation of the ‘new’ pattern.
There is much sociological work to be done to find out what makes LAT relationships work for some partners and not for others, and whether there are any patterns.
LAT relationships in the elderly
LAT relationships are not just younger people's phenomenon; they are also present in and between older and elderly adults.
In 2016, Jacquelyn Benson studied 25 adults aged between 60 and 88 years old in LAT relationships. She found that the reasons for being in LAT relationships included the following:
- the desire for "intimate companionship"
- maintaining individual social lives, homes and finances
- avoiding being 'tied down' again after unsuccessful and unhappy previous relationships/marriages
Benson also found that by living apart together, some women avoided the assumption that they will be responsible for caring for their partners and taking on household burdens.
How do you think LAT relationships in the elderly differ from LAT relationships in younger people?
LAT Relationships - Key takeaways
- The phrase living apart together (LAT) refers to couples who are in a committed, intimate relationship with each other without cohabiting.
The four main reasons behind the growing number of LAT relationships are changes in the labour market, changes in social attitudes, growing individualisation, and modern technological advances.
It is very difficult to create any kind of statistics on LAT relationships.
Studies in the 1980s researched the advantages and disadvantages of LAT relationships.
A new interest in LAT relationships appeared at the beginning of the 21st century, this time with a more open-minded approach towards diverse, non-traditional family forms.
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Frequently Asked Questions about LAT Relationships
What is a LAT relationship?
The phrase, living apart together (LAT) refers to couples, who are in a committed, intimate relationship with each other without cohabiting. In some LAT relationships, the partners live far away from each other, even in different countries, while in others, people live in the same city but under separate addresses. The decisions behind entering a LAT relationship vary from person to person.
What are the benefits of living together apart?
Studies in the 1980s researched the advantages and disadvantages of LAT relationships. Gerstel and Gross found that the first and foremost cause of LAT relationships was the globalised economic and work system (1984). They concluded that commuting work affects the traditional family form negatively and they viewed LAT relationships as a downgrade from the ‘perfect’ nuclear family style. With this, Gerstel and Gross went against the functionalist and Marxist arguments that capitalism and the nuclear family suit each other perfectly well.
Is living apart good for a relationship?
Individuals in LAT relationships may feel as though they have more freedom and space whilst maintaining the intimacy of a committed relationship.
What are some problems with living together?
Some may prefer having their own space and freedom to do their own activities, which may be more difficult if a couple lives together. Feminists also argue that living together may cause issues in the division of labour, with the women bearing the majority of the household labour.
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